


Inifinitely Gentle, Inifinitely Suffering

by Miri Cleo (miri_cleo)



Category: Law and Order SVU - Fandom
Genre: Abusive Relationship, F/F, F/M, Femslash, Het, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-11
Updated: 2010-05-11
Packaged: 2017-10-09 09:59:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/85965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miri_cleo/pseuds/Miri%20Cleo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A much younger Liz Donnelly finds that the Scene isn't the same as what she was introduced to in a very bad relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inifinitely Gentle, Inifinitely Suffering

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: There are references to an abusive D/s relationship throughout.  
> Note: This piece isn't finished.  
> Disclaimer: SVU belongs to Dick Wolf and NBC Universal.

The smell of old books was thick even as a gust of wind blew her in the door. It swirled around the curiously cluttered space until it died, settling a few odd papers to the floor with it. No one greeted Therese—there was no need, really, for it wasn't unusual for her to drop by at some point each day. But there was a particular reason she dropped by the antique bookstore that afternoon, and the three afternoons before that. That reason was perched in a corner with her blonde head planted solidly in a book. The book, Therese noticed, was still the same—a worn volume of poetry. She had examined it after the young blonde reluctantly replaced it on the shelf the day before.

Therese had known the faces of many women, and this one might not have particularly interested her at all had her gaze not been so intensely absorbed. The memory of the piercing eyes would creep into Therese's thoughts at the strangest times. They were eyes that had never fallen on her, never left those timeworn pages. As she watched, Therese found herself murmuring, "I am moved by fancies that are curled/Around these images, and cling:/The notion of some infinitely gentle/Infinitely suffering thing."

*****

Liz ran her fingers over the text, feeling the faint indentions of the ink on the milky page. She had almost read every poem, relishing every uneven line even more because she could not have the book. Law might provide a heft salary, but law school left no room to splurge. Liz happened upon the antique bookstore, but she knew the book would not be there in a year when she started a job. She also realized she could not keep returning to the shop to read it. Unconsciously, she drew even more into herself.

"You seem to have found a rather old volume of Donne."

The female voice was most definitely addressed to Liz. She self-consciously jerked her head out of the book to find a woman—she might have been Greek or Italian, but Liz could not place the accent—standing, hands on hips, before her. Liz blinked very deliberately before glancing back down to the page.

"It's only polite to speak when you're spoken to, darling…especially when it's about such a lovely piece of literature."

Liz knew immediately that the comment was not a reprimand; on the contrary, the woman's tone was almost playful. She found herself unable to keep from glancing back up, if only to somehow identify the strangely European accent. It utterly surprised Liz when the woman touched her hand.

"May I?" she asked, gently pulling the book out of Liz's hands.

"I was just…" Liz began quickly, "I suppose I could…read Donne in any library. But this book…it's…"

The woman looked up, her large brown eyes searching Liz for something. "Lovely, I know; there are many lovely things here, my darling. This volume isn't dated, but I venture to guess it was published not long after Donne's lifetime." Liz drew in a breath as the woman took her hand. "Why don't we just go find out?"

"I…I should actually be going."

"Nonsense, you've aroused my…curiosity; you simply can't leave now, my dear." Liz was unsure; something about the woman's voice made her want to stay, but her body's first reaction was to run away. The brunette seemed to sense that as well. "Now, you've been lusting over this book for days; so, if I'm going to be buying it for you, the least you could do is stay and have lunch with me.

Liz swallowed. "You cannot be serious."

"I assure you, I've never given a pretty girl a gift without being serious, and I am not a woman who takes 'no' for an answer."

"Then," Liz began slowly, putting her hands on her hips, "you could at least tell me your name."

*****

The apartment was beautiful, just as Therese had promised. The brunette had disappeared into another room for drinks; so, Liz felt a little more comfortable to survey her surroundings. The space was large, but she had expected that after Therese bought her the $8000 book. She knew if she had decorated a space like this, it would be chic with a cool air. Therese managed to make it alive with warmth—though it was not homey. Liz gazed at the blacks and reds, by far the two colors that appeared most in Therese's art and furniture. It was seductive—that's the word Liz finally settled on. She saw hints of Eastern European tastes, but that was as elusive as Therese's accent.

Liz sighed as she settled against the crimson leather of the sofa. There were reasons why she had declined Therese's invitation for a week. Those very reasons should have been firm enough to keep her away, but Liz found herself unable to refuse the mysterious woman.

"Generally, I do not have to work this hard."

Liz took the drink Therese was offering and shifted as the other woman sat beside her. "Well," she began in a low tone, "I haven't been talked back to someone's apartment in…" Liz let her thought trail away. She realized she sounded more pathetic than coy.

"Tell me, Elizabeth, have you made a decision as to whether you will pursue legislative or criminal law yet?"

"I…can't believe you remembered that." Liz sipped the drink, thankful that she tasted strong gin.

Therese smiled what Liz thought was a particularly enigmatic smile. "Of course I remember, my dear. I never forget something that piques my curiosity."

"Well, I've…there are lots of options right now."

"It's a rather daunting decision for such a young thing."

While Therese spoke, Liz felt the older woman's hand lightly touching her own; she found herself blinking rapidly as Therese gently pushed a strand of her hair back.

"It's something I…feel very strongly about. I would be damn good at legislative law, but I can't see it as fulfilling."

Therese began to weave her fingers through Liz's. "You don't feel this strongly about many things."

Liz could not stop the small gasp that escaped her lips. She was speechless long enough for Therese to pull her into a kiss. It was too much of a surprise for Liz to do anything but return it. She let herself fall into the woman's arms and give over to the soft touch of her tongue. But after one blissful moment, Liz pulled away.

"If this is why you bought me the book…"

"I bought you the book, Elizabeth, because I wanted to. And were I going to pay for sex, I could find it for a much more reasonable price."

Liz fingered her glass awkwardly for a moment. "Now would be a good time for me to leave."

"Really, dear, you seem to scare more easily than I would have suspected. There's hardly any reason for you to leave; in fact, I would much prefer it if you stayed."

"I'm sure you would," Liz murmured, still a bit uncomfortable.

"Elizabeth, I think we're beyond pointless posturing, don't you? We both know why we're here; now, if that makes you uncomfortable, you're more than free to leave. But I don't think you want to leave, my dear. I think you very much want to stay."

"Don't you dare presume to know my mind. I can find my own way out." Liz stood, sitting her drink down and grabbing her purse from a nearby chair. She did not look at Therese as she made her way to the door. Before she could turn the knob, Therese spoke.

"Liz, what's wrong? There's nothing here for you to run away from."

"I am not running away," she said a little unevenly as she gripped the doorknob. Her knuckles were white with the effort to hold in her tears, but they flowed warm and silent anyway. "You're just like her. You don't care what I want. You aren't going to listen to me." There was nothing then that could keep her from sobbing. Through her tears, she could see Therese moving toward her.

"Elizabeth," Therese's whisper was tender as she unwrapped Liz's fingers from the doorknob and took her hand, "come sit back down." Liz was still sobbing as Therese led her to the sofa. The brunette sat down, gently urging Liz along with her. She had Liz lie down with her head in her lap. Softly, Therese began to run her fingers through Liz's hair. "I don't know who she is or what she did to you but I'm not her. Of course I care about what you want." With this, the brunette began to run her palm along Liz's side. Liz felt herself flinch involuntarily, but she did not stop crying. She was silent as Therese lifted her shirt away from her back. "My God, what happened to you?"

It was as if Therese's words snapped Liz back into the present. She tugged at her shirt while trying to get up, but Therese held her firmly but tenderly in place.

"Let go of me."

"Have you had someone look at these?" Liz tired not to even look at them herself. She had glimpsed the matrix of bruises, scabs, and sticky scars across her back, but she never imaged letting someone else see them. "No, of course you haven't. Stay here. I'm going to go make a phone call." There was an air of command in Therese's voice that Liz did not dare disobey as the woman walked into another room. She returned minutes later with a towel and a basin from which steam was rising.

"Take your shirt off and lay on your stomach."

Liz sat up. "No really Therese, it's fine. I'm just going to leave. You don't need to worry about me."

"If this is any indication of what you've been through then obviously someone needs to worry about you. Sit down. Those need to be looked at before they get any more infected." With a sigh, Liz resumed her position on the sofa and began to unbutton her shirt.

"I just called Jonas. He knows how to handle these matters and he's a friend. Now, lie down and let's see if we can get these cleaned before he gets here."

 

*****

Therese held her glass to her lips and sipped the watery gin that had become too warm while Jonas dressed Liz's back. They had put her to bed before retiring to the kitchen to talk.

"What bastard did that to her?" Jonas poured himself a generous portion of scotch. "There were scars on top of scars. The bruising was so bad I half expected to find broken ribs. These Americans are so brutal. They'll let anyone run around with a horse whip."

"Thank you for coming so quickly. I know you aren't really in practice. I appreciate it."

"She's really a very lovely girl. Where ever did you find her? Tell me that this miscreant isn't going to come after you in a jealous rage."

"I think it's rather obvious that she isn't mine yet and you should behave yourself." With a wry smile on his face, Jonas raised his glass in acknowledgement.

"Ah yes, but where's the fun in that? You can't tell me that you don't have plans."

Therese laughed slightly. "Well, I did have plans but this makes things a bit more complicated."

"In all seriousness, what are you going to do with her now?"

"I'm not sure," Therese said after letting out a long sigh and rubbing her forehead. "I suppose I'll just have to wait for her to wake up. I'm certainly not going to make any decisions without consulting her."

"That's for the best. Do you really think she's worth it?"

"Yes."

"Well then, I'll want to check on her in a couple of days. You should get that prescription filled as soon as possible."

 

*****

"Good, you're awake. You need to take these." It took Liz a moment to fully wake up and remember her surroundings. Therese's bedroom was now dark, and the brunette was sitting near the bed in a leather chair. Liz looked at the pills Therese was offering, then back into the woman's eyes. She shook her head. "They're the antibiotics that Jonas prescribed."   
After swallowing the antibiotics, Liz moved to get out of bed. "Thank you; I'm going to leave now."

"Elizabeth it's 3:30 in the morning, you'll do no such thing. Besides we need to have a chat."

"What could we possibly have to chat about?"

"You want this to just go away but it isn't going to. You have to confront it."

"You have no idea."

"About what you went through, not entirely. About the lifestyle that it pretended to originate from, more than you can possibly fathom." Therese leaned heavily back into the chair. "Jonas and I own a club. I'd like to take you there but I want to take you as mine." Liz inhaled, but Therese went on, "No, just listen. What she did to you was a mockery of what this really is. If this is something you want Elizabeth, then you won't be able to walk away from it easily. If you can't come to terms with what she did to you, there's always the chance that you'll become just like her or worse. This won't be easy. It'll hard and painful. There will be times when you'll want to run away but you can't. Any time you need for school or work would be yours but the rest of it would belong to me. I don't want an answer tonight. Jonas needs to check your back in a couple of days. You can let me know then."

*****

Liz was silent as the door closed and Jonas's footsteps disappeared into the elevator. She did not look at Therese, did not breathe deeply as the silence proliferated.

"So Elizabeth, do you have an answer for me?"

"I should have known you wouldn't just drop this."

"I'm a very persistent woman. Are you going to answer me?"

She pursed her lips in annoyance. "I'm here aren't I?"

"That's not an answer Elizabeth and it's not how we're going to start this relationship. Yes or no?"

"Yes, alright? Yes," she said, trying to control the pitch of her voice.

"Good." Liz shifted, unsure of what to do next. Therese was silently staring at her with an intensity that made Liz drop her gaze to the floor. She felt the tension in her neck and shoulders growing as the moment extended past simply being awkward. "Remove your clothing."

Liz heard the distinct shift in Therese's voice; it became firm while it remained quiet. She took off her clothing slowly, methodically—all without looking up. When Therese went to the sofa to sit, Liz knowingly knelt at her feet. Therese began to tenderly run her fingers through Liz's hair.

"Tell me what she did to you." Therese's soft command made Liz flinch. She drew back from the brunette's hand and remained silent. "You need to tell me."

Slowly, almost painfully Liz shook her head. Her eyes remained fixed upon the floor, but she wasn't even aware of how far away her gaze had gone. The memories were too close now, so much so that she was becoming entangled in them. But they seemed to become less cloying when Therese lifted her chin, forcing Liz to look into her eyes.

"Obviously I can't force you to tell me anything but I'm not going to drop this. You can get dressed and leave. When you come back tomorrow we'll try this again. We're going to keep doing this until you can tell me what she did."

*****

A day later, Liz found herself kneeling again at Therese's feet. Her heart was beating quickly, but she was breathless, knowing what would come next.

"Are you ready to tell me?" Liz was thoughtfully quiet for a moment, but before things could become too much, she shook her head. Without even a beat, she stood in order to dress and go. Still, she looked at the floor, avoiding Therese's eyes.

"Elizabeth." The sound of her name on Therese's lips made Liz look up. She watched the brunette shake her head and stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do next. "Why don't you go make me some tea?"

*****

"Elizabeth, come here," Liz quietly knelt in front of Therese, knowing it was close to the time when she normally went home. They had been through what was now the routine; Liz did the chores Therese set out for her and tried to forget the question she had been asked before they were assigned. "It's been a week and a half. It's time for you to tell me."

Liz could not help but acknowledge that Therese was right. She silently fought to hold back her tears as she took a deep breath.

"She liked to watch them fuck me. She would tell me how much she liked to see the way my face twisted when she denied me after I cried out to her. She liked to see what they would do…things she hadn't yet thought of. She liked the way I responded. They would leave, and she would ask me if I liked it…if I enjoyed the touch of these strangers better then hers. I'd say, 'No, of course not. I love you'." Liz finally lost the will to hold back her tears. They slid down her cheeks, some catching on her nose, some on her lips as she continued, "She would punish me, beat me, whip me for lying to her. She would make me tell her what a slut I was, and she'd call me her little whore." The last word caught in her throat before coming out as half a sob. Liz wrapped her arms around her middle and began to rock back and forth. She lost control of her sobs for a moment before going on.

"Then she'd tie me down to her bed, push a dildo inside me, and leave me there while she went out again. I wouldn't see her until the next morning when she'd come to untie me. She always made sure to untie me when I'd have to rush to get to class on time, but my legs would be too numb to stand on. I was late every day for three weeks. I made the mistake of telling her, and she said that it was my fault—I was the irresponsible one. I withdrew from the class and made sure she didn't find out.

I had to lie to my father every time we spoke. I met her at one of his parties. I haven't been to one since, but she would go every chance she got. She would come back and tell me how worried he was about me, about how we never talked anymore. She said that if I was good I could go visit, I could go back for a weekend but it never happened. I could never be good enough. I tried so hard but…"

Liz's voice broke before she could continue. She began to shake with the force of her sobs, and her tears did not stop when Therese took her in her arms. She could feel Therese wrapping her tightly in a warm blanket and urging her up, but she did not care. She blindly allowed the brunette to put her in bed; by the time she was there, she was numb and exhausted.

*****

"Jonas, she isn't a polo pony," Therese said impatiently.

"Well, I'm hardly suggesting we put her down because she's a bit skittish, but, considering what she's been through, she might not be suitable for our little community."

"Will you stop being such an ass?"

Jonas sipped his tea before saying, "Don't you try and tell me you're not thinking it. What kind of return are you expecting on this investment?"

"You're much too rich to be such a shrewd businessman. Really, Jonas, when she succeeds—whatever the cost and the trouble—she will be worth it to both of us…and to the organization."

"And how is that, Therese?"

"Haven't you yet learned to trust me? And why, exactly, are you taking such a keen interest in my new pet?"

"Perhaps," Jonas began from behind his raised teacup, "I see some potential in her, but not nearly as much as you do."

Therese smiled as she saw Liz step onto the terrace. The young blonde was wrapped in a blanket and still disheveled from sleep.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but it isn't the height of good manners to discuss someone behind their back." When Liz spoke, Therese could hear that her throat was raw from the amount of crying she had done the night before. She smirked as the blonde sat down.

"Really, Elizabeth," Jonas began as he put down his teacup and tousled her hair, "just because you had a breakthrough does not mean you get to be impudent."

"And just became you're British doesn't mean you get to be a prick," Liz retorted.

Therese pursed her lips. "Behave, both of you. Elizabeth, I don't recall giving you permission to speak or to sit, for that matter."

"You didn't tell me I couldn't either." Therese narrowed her eyes and caught a glimpse of Jonas raising his eyebrows.

"You'll be punished for that later. Shower and get dressed, Elizabeth; we have some errands to run."

Therese sipped the last of her tea while she watched Liz retreat into the apartment. Jonas was already standing, preparing to take his leave. He bent and kissed her on each cheek.

"She promises to be quite entertaining, my dear."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Trust](https://archiveofourown.org/works/85973) by [Miri Cleo (miri_cleo)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miri_cleo/pseuds/Miri%20Cleo)




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